Transition Regret – A Canadian perspective

A Canadian detransitioner submitted this comment to our Election 2021 page on the evening of the Canadian federal election this week. We made sure she was ok and put her in touch with some supportive people before publishing her comment here:

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Thank you for existing. I am a middle-aged transer, then detranser……alone, embarrassed for doing this to myself. My gender dysphoria was triggered in childhood. I Iearned to live with it, until my 30s, when I became a drag king, and got so much positivity for being so masculine for the first time in my life, that my GD got re-triggered by all the confirmation and conflation between performing gender and actually being that gender. 

People were always asking me when I was going to transition, so much so, I started having all those thoughts I had as a kid, “everything would be better for me if I were male”. 

All my life, going to the women’s restroom caused me to sweat, because, if there were women there, and if I wasn’t in a tank top and shorts, I would get disapproving looks by other females. I was often questioned, and told “this is the ladies room” or told to get out. I once had a whole group of women screaming and pointing “man! Man!” at me in the women’s YMCA change room. I don’t think I ever stripped so fast to expose my breasts as I did then, so why wouldn’t I, after years of this stress at just going to the bathroom, would I not want to just go and pee in the men’s room without anyone caring?

And why wouldn’t I, after years of rape, assaults, sexual harassment by men looking to make a “real woman” out of me, wouldn’t I choose the safety in my head, of not having to fear being sexually assaulted, every single day out in public? Of course, unlike so many “trans” women in the restrooms, I never looked at the men in the restrooms, and always used a stall, because I never cared about standing and peeing. I never wanted a penis. I actually hated using the men’s room (they stink, I even hated my own pee scent on T…absolutely hated the smell of my own pee on T) but loved not being hassled. Not even being looked at….that was the best part of using the men’s room…..ironically, I was a female free from the male gaze in a men’s washroom (except for the occasional gay male gaze which never threatened me, cause I knew I had what they didn’t want…at all)……at the time I felt actually safer in the men’s than women’s restroom. 

And whether male or female, I find ogling at naked men or women repulsive in settings that are not sexual, because bathrooms and change rooms shouldn’t be sexualized. Kids use those places. When are we going to stop the sexualizing of children? I’m so grossed out and disturbed by what is happening, especially to young females. I’m sick of paraphilia being called trans. It’s not. There’s no dysphoria, it’s all this sick exposing of the genitals to women that harms people who truly suffer from GD. I know many TIMs (trans identified males), who don’t deny biology, are lovely people, and have never perved on me. On the other hand, I’ve had far too many experiences with paraphilia types, to clearly spot the difference. 

For me, wearing men’s clothing isn’t paraphilia. When your only option back then was the horrid Tall Girl clothing line, of course, this long-legged wide-shouldered human will choose the clothes that fit her. You’d think CAMH would see through all my non-desire for a penis. And I didn’t want a hysterectomy…. just top surgery and T. 

But nope, it was a lot of confirmation. No one ever challenged me, and they do zero follow-up. They have no clue I detransitioned years ago. Now, I live with a botched top surgery and having to shave.

It’s so apparent that self ID is the worst thing to ever happen in terms of trans “rights”. Imagine Harvey Weinstein or Louis CK exposing themselves to women and then self-ID’ing as a woman to get praised for their pervert ways? In some cases, that is what is happening, and I fear the backlash that will come for not only the trans-identified people who want no part of this ideology but for gays, lesbians and bisexuals, as the conflation between orientation and gender identity has been a problem from the very start.

Trans-identified males used to sneak into the Michigan Women’s music festival to shower fully intact amongst women and girls. Some of these folks have true dysmorphia, but none behave like women, and most are paraphilic. I’m grossed out. I was back then. Never got respect from the queen community as a king. They were always allowed to misgender us if they were introducing an act of ours, but… hell hath no fury should we do the same to the queens. I didn’t want “penis havers” at the Michigan Woman’s Music Festival, and I still don’t want them in single-sex spaces. Create a third space for those who don’t care, but stop forcing those who want to be in a space free from penises, to the paraphilia that is so clearly the problem. 

Those with real GD, just want to pee. The rest are predators who will use the loopholes they can clearly see. They’re perving on women, by exposing themselves and grooming young girls.

For these reasons alone, I just couldn’t bring myself to vote for anyone in our election this week. This is the first time I didn’t vote. I had intended to spoil my vote, but don’t even want to expend a scintilla of energy for this lot. This, along with the corporatization of Pride, are the two main reasons. I’ve boycotted Pride for the last ten years. I’ll never vote Conservative (they wouldn’t repeal C16, anyway) but as a leftie all my life, pretty language means nothing to me. 

Poverty, disability, homelessness, decent wages, and rapacious capitalism concern me more than pretty words. And the fake left have figured out that it’s easier to slap a rainbow sticker on a door than help people struggling with poverty, homelessness, disability and mental illness. I can’t help but roll my eyes whenever I see an online profile with gender pronouns or see or hear the term “cis”. I find being called cis offensive and I refuse to use that term, now.

So thank you for your existence. I hope someday, somewhere, I can find some IRL support or therapy, as it’s a literal desert when it comes to IRL support for detransitioners. Especially in Canada, capital of wokedom. Because, if I’m truly being honest, I haven’t had so much suicidal ideation since my teens, as I do now. It’s only online sites like this that have helped me suppress the urge to end it all. I made two very very close to successful attempts, and a few lesser attempts in my life, so I do scare myself at times. And fear what would happen if I didn’t feel responsible for a four-legged friend or there were no sites like this or YouTube, Dr. Soh or Helen Joyce. 

So thank you. Thank you so much. No longer on T, so I can cry again, and my eyes have been blurred by tears writing this from the start. I’m so happy for what I believe is a silent majority, but more than thrilled at the few and very brave, who have had it with being compelled to believe in things that aren’t real. And are bravely and publicly making it known.